Randal Telk and the 396 Steps to Sexual Bliss by Walter Knight & James Boedeker

Author:Walter Knight & James Boedeker
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Action & Adventure, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Science Fiction, Adventure, War & Military, Military, Genre Fiction, Literature & Fiction
ISBN: 1938758099
Publisher: Penumbra Publishing
Published: 2013-01-13T00:00:00+00:00

* * * * *

I let Private Telk watch Elena’s painful scream on the database news. She was so brave, not once crying. Telk wondered aloud how he would hold up to torture. Probably not well. I switched off the screen, leading Private Telk to the side of my armored car. A handcuffed spider stood next to Major Lopez, off in the field.

“Do you know who this spider is?” I asked, giving the spider a shove.

“No, sir.”

“This is River Rat Claw, leader of the River Rat Gang. He just shuttled up from the South Pole. The terrorists want to exchange your wife for him.”

“Elena is going to be exchanged?” asked Telk, brightening. “Now?”

“Not yet.” answered Major Lopez, handing Telk a sawed off shotgun. “Blow his legs off first.”

“What?” asked Telk, horrified. “No! They’ll kill Elena for sure!”

“It’s okay,” I assured Telk. “Spiders grow back most lost appendages. He’ll be fine once the pain stops.”

“I don’t understand,” argued Telk. “I won’t do it!”

“They cut off Corporal Ceausescu’s finger on galactic TV,” I explained. “That’s a bad precedent that needs to be set right before negotiations can resume. Shoot his legs off. That’s an order!”

Trembling, Private Telk approached River Rat Claw, aiming the shotgun. He fumbled with the safety.

“I am being executed?” asked River Rat Claw. “First you freeze my ass in your gulag, then you shoot my ass for no good reason? What about my Constitutional rights?”

“Sorry, nothing personal.”

“Nothing personal, my ass,” complained River Rat Claw. “The Butcher of New Colorado is behind this atrocity. Don’t get drawn into his murderous web. Someday there will be an accounting!”

Private Telk fired one blast at the spider’s feet, missing. River Rat Claw danced high into the air. Telk steadied himself, firing again at River Rat Claw’s legs, this time hitting him dead center in the chest.

“Damn it, you weren’t supposed to kill him!” I shouted, grabbing a roll of duct tape for first aid. Not good. River Rat Claw was very dead. I could see air through the hole. Shit!

“What now?” asked Major Lopez. “I knew this was not a good idea. I told you so!”

“Shut up! Get another member of the River Rat Gang. We can still trade for Ceausescu.”

The entire incident was broadcast across the galaxy on the database from our helmet cameras. Ratings hit an all-time high.

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